The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
