just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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