So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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