Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
