1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
