So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
