he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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