The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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