Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
