fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i need some magic done to my vagina
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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