So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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