soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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