I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
