bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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