Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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