Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
