I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
