I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
