Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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