You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
