I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
