There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
