I look better un-naked...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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