very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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