it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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