Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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