There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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