You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
