So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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