Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
