Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
zippers are such a cool invention
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
