ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
