Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
