In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
