M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize