Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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