it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
