I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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