How'd it feel making her break her religion?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
