No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
