The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Someone came in the potted fern
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
