you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
