Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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