Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
