ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
tell me about the fingering
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