I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
