I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I know her cup size but not her name....
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
