Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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