If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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