Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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