Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As shirtless as possible
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
