I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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