sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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