Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
