you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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