My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
