I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
