last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
