i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
