So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
