hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize