So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
