So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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