just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
