I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
