I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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