So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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