I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Its about making memories worth repressing
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize