I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
