Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
