my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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