the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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