then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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