Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
