You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This couple is walking their pig around campus
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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