just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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