got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
