I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up under a house in Key West
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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