i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
