I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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