Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
