Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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