so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're a waste of cheezeits
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
