the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
