Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
