last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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