it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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