you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
