when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
