Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
