Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize