Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize