All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
