There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
