get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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