someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
this is an emotional support booty call
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
