Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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