i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
