shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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