All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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