i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
