i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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