My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
