Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
