His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
