and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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